Well, I’m back with a bit of a life update. I wrote my last blog a couple weeks ago now, and wanted to let you all know how things have been going since then. I’ve been extremely busy, I feel like this month has flown by and I haven’t had a moment to catch my breath!
I left off telling you that I was on a deadline to pay the back-rent that I owed, in addition to the current month’s rent. I had been working really hard to come up with the money, though I hadn’t saved enough at the time I wrote the blog. After I posted it, so many people wrote to me with words of encouragement, many ordered jewelry from my shop, and some even sent me money through PayPal without asking for or expecting anything in return. I was absolutely overwhelmed by the response I got – I didn’t think many people would read the blog in the first place, let alone care about the mess I had gotten myself into.
I had spent months feeling completely alone, like no one in the world really cared about what I was going through, and I was too embarrassed to admit I was struggling, let alone reach out for, or accept help. I was so nervous about opening up and showing my weaknesses that it took me several attempts to even write a blog, or record a video. I thought everyone would see me as a failure — I didn’t expect for people to embrace me, to lift me up, to offer help and kindness and friendship. I’ve been rejected and let down so much in the recent months, that I had all but given up on humanity… But I’m glad I didn’t. I’m glad I decided to open up and vent about what I was going through. It not only lifted a great weight off my shoulders, but it let me know I wasn’t alone, because so many people reached out to me offering support.
I can’t put into words just how touched and grateful I am for the love I have received. Reading your messages, emails, snaps and comments gave me strength, made me feel better, and kept me going when all I wanted to do was hide.
Because of the people who so generously purchased jewelry from my shop, and the people who donated money to me via PayPal, I was able to walk into my landlord’s office with enough leverage to convince them to let me stay. Without you, I would have been homeless right now, and that is no exaggeration.
The landlord agreed that if I had all of the back-rent AND current rent paid by the end of July (which is soon), that the eviction notice would be ripped up. I am still saving to pay rent at the end of the month, but after that is paid, I will officially be out of the huge, huge hole I dug myself in and have been slowly being buried alive in for the past 5 months.
The good news is that I had one interview yesterday for a work-from-home job that I have had my eye on for a while, and it went really well! I am supposed to be hearing back from HR by the end of the week! Not only that, but I applied for another work-from-home job that I am hoping to get an interview with as well, I think I have a pretty good shot, and it’s another I’ve been eyeing for a while and waiting for the right opportunity. If I am successful at securing one of those jobs (I’m confident I will! Positive thoughts!) then I will make a new, updated blog post and YouTube video about working from home, and how to find legitimate work from home jobs. It’s been a couple years since I made that video and I have a few new tips and tricks.
I have also been working really hard at re-vamping and ramping up my jewelry business, Ancora Jewelry. One of my passions is working for myself and I do hope that my jewelry will take off and I’ll be able to support myself solely with my jewelry business and blogging/vlogging alone, but until that time I will still need to supplement my income and that’s why I am applying for various jobs that I can do until I am truly back on my feet.
So, I’m not out of the weeds yet, but I am going to keep going until I am. It’s been a hard couple of months with a lot of sacrifices (I even had to go to the food bank and wait in line for hours to get some free food being handed out, because I hadn’t eaten in days! This has all been a lesson in pride, let me tell you.) I do think that I have learned from this and hopefully one day I can look back and know that I grew from the hardships – but I could have never done it alone… No, without you all, I know I’d be homeless right now. I don’t know what would have happened to me. I owe everything I have right now to the kindness and generosity and goodness of other people, some who I have never spoken directly to in my life… I don’t know what I ever did to deserve such support, but I am grateful for it every day.
Before I go, I also wanted to let you know that since I relapsed about a month ago, I have not self-injured. I made the video and somehow that did help me to feel accountable to people who are rooting for me. Sure, I have had self-harm urges, and lots of rough patches where I didn’t handle it the best I could, but I did not resort to self-injury to get through it, and that is a win. Even when it feels like I’ve been fighting a losing battle, I KNOW that is a win. 🙂
I just uploaded a new video to update those who have not read my blog on some of the details I left out of my relapse video – I talk a little about the eviction, I talk a lot about the outpouring of love and support I received after blogging about my struggles, I even mention how I’ve had falling out with friends and tell you guys something I’ve never talked about before… It’s a super awkward moment in the video but I didn’t edit it out – I figure that it ties into why my life has been a nightmare lately… So if you watch it, I hope you enjoy it. I have a few more videos recorded and they should be up soon.
As always, leave any suggestions or feedback you have, I love to hear it! And again, thank you so much for the support, for everyone who simply read my blog or watched my video, thank you for taking the time to listen to me vent. Thank you for caring, when it felt like nobody did. Thank you for being there, when it felt like nobody was. Thanks for always having my back, and for holding me up. Hell, thanks for digging me out of the hole I dug. You all are amazing, and I am blessed to have each and every one of you in my life.
Sending you love and positive energy xoxoxox